Thursday, June 21, 2007

Cancer and the Summer Solstice

It's 6 am and I'm leaving for the hospital for another one of my post cancer cystoscopies. The bladder cancer has a 50% recurrance rate and it would be very easy for me to play into that whole "poor me cancer mentality"....but not me baby, not today, not on such a glorious morning!
I get to the hospital and they call me in. My body is very sensitive to invasive procedures and the chemicals from the anesthesia. They always have a hard time starting my IV's because my veins seem to wiggle. Today was no exception. I concentrate on something happy....the picture of my pug Otis when he's helping me package my bath salts come to mind.
After 2 attempts, one bent IV needle, and a WHOLE lot of my blood squiritng all over the place the IV is finally started. The guy next to me is screaming his head off during this whole time as an anesthesiologist is attempting to stick a needle in his spine.
Now I'm getting woozy, so I start a mantra......"Today is a glorious day, Today is a glorious day.....(more screams from the guy next curtain over).........."Today is a glorious day, Today is a glorious day....(the nurse is still mopping up my blood, why is it taking you so long? Cripes it's because there's a lot)........."Today is a glorious day, Today is a glorious day...I'm getting sweaty ......"Today is a glorious day, Today is a glorious day...( I look at the stained sheets and marvel at how important blood is to life)......"Today is a glorious day, Today is a glorious day.
I start thinking about an Archangel Michael channeling by Celia Fenn and contemplate how the heck am I creating this healthcare menagerie? The channeling states that ""all reality lies within you in the realm of consciousness. It is this Inner Consciousness that creates the Outer Reality. So, whatever is experienced in the Outer World is a projection or creation of your inner reality or consciousness. It is not what you "think", but what you are! Your essence, your being, which is projected into creation at a given moment. I am sure you are familiar with this idea - that you create from your inner being or beliefs?.............( I then remember a different part of the channeling and decide to create something more positive out of this nightmare ).........take back your power to create and perceive, and you will create another reality which better reflects your own inner consciousness of love and beauty. Let the light that pours from your soul through your eyes project and create a luminous reality of love and joy and gratitude, for that is what your "holographic projector" was designed to create in its partnership with Soul and Spirit.""
As a sidenote to all you doctors and nurses out there. A good bedside manner is EVERYTHING! Especially people waiting for surgery. We are very scared and feel very vulnerable and the OR and your OR garb is very intimidating so a smiling face means a lot. We are not just numbers, but people with real issues and real fears.
Things seem to get better once I decide to shift my reality. In walks a smiling Anesthesiologist and we chat it up a bit. He couldn't believe the nightmare IV. The nurse anesthetist comes in and I remember him as "Big Daddy". That puts a smile on my face.
They wheel me into the OR and Kelly the nurse remembers me as the bellydancing Reiki Master. My doctor marvels at the IV and the bloody mess...Jesus Christ! By this time I feel like Jesus because they've strapped my arms straight out to my side so I feel like I'm being crucified. But I'm in good hands with Big Daddy telling me to count backwards and Kelly telling me I'm the best patient.....thanks to their happy bedside manner, I start to feel that maybe this isn't that bad.
I wake up to hear Big Daddy saying my blood pressure shouldn't be this low. The alarms keep going off and the nurses keep coming in. I'm feeling dizzy....everyone stop the fussing and leave me be. What I wouldn't give right now for some peace and quiet. I tell them it's because I've probably lost too much blood with during the IV mess and the chemicals don't react well with my system. I am organic all the way and use natural health methods.
Once my BP stabilizes, I beg them to let me go home. My son comes and I am also greeted by 2 of my other beatiful, wonderful, perfect children. It's all good now. Their smiles make such a diffence.....that and the perfect cup of Joe that I drank.
The good news is that they have now scheduled my next procedure to six months from now. I was supposed to go every three months for the next year. This is really good news. It really did turn out to be a Glorious Summer Solstice!Blessed Be